Atacama Hanging Poker Tournament

“Good morning and welcome to a special live broadcast of the Atacama Hanging Poker Tournament,” the announcer said. “I'm Mary AnneDent, the girl that hanged Cindy Lou. I will be your commentator for this exciting event. The Atacama Desert is the driest place on earth. We are here at this recently restored old Spanish garrison located in the Andes above the Atacama Desert. Behind me you can see a couple of the modern gallows that we have installed for this tournament.”

  

“Out front here we have a sample of gallows used in previous tournaments,” Mary Anne said. “The old fashion wooden style gallows used in the early days and the modern style gallows used for most tournaments today.”

“For the Atacama Hanging Poker Tournament we will be using these stylish new gallows that were just installed,” Mary Anne said. “This is a heads up bikini poker elimination tournament. We have eight players that will play four heads up poker games with the losers hanged on the gallows behind me. Those four will then play in the two semi-final games with the losers hanged on gallows over on the other wall. The finalist will then play one exciting game to crown the tournament champion and hang the loser. We have seven exciting heads up poker games and seven exciting hangings.”

   

“Our first two players are Mariah and Xia,” Mary Anne said. “How are you feeling about this first match Mariah?”

“Well, we all know the odds,” Mariah said. “Right now my objective is just focused on getting past this first game to the semi finals.”

“What about you Xia,” Mary Anne said. “How are you feeling about the first game.”

“I'm excited,” Xia said. “We finally get to play and of course I'm hoping to win.”

“Good luck to both of you,” Mary Anne said.

“This match has been going back and forth,” Mary Anne said. “Right now Mariah is up one piece of clothes and she is using that advantage to force Xia to call with her hanging chip.”

 

“Xia flopped a pair of eights and looked to be in good shape,” Mary Anne said. “But then on the river Mariah hit a gut shot draw to make a straight. Looks like Xia will be our first hanging.”

 

“This is a execution style tournament,” Mary Anne said. “Losers put the noose and handcuffs on themselves...”

“...But the winner gets to pull the lever,” Mary Anne said.

 

Xia fastens the hand cuffs.

 

Mariah pulled the lever as soon as the cuffs were on.

 

 The noose tightened around Xia's neck.

 Xia started to kick and squirm.

Xia thrust her hips forward.

Xia is fading now.

“You got very lucky there drawing to an inside straight,” Mary Anne said.

“Yeah, but I was just trying to steal her blind to force her to go all in on her next blind,” Mariah said. “Didn't realize she had an ace too.”

“Our next two players are Irina and Sonja,” Mary Anne said. “How are you feeling about this match Irina.”

“I'm excited,” Irina said. “Been practicing for months. I'm ready.”

“What about you Sonja?” Mary Anne said.

“I'm definitely ready,” Sonja said. “Let's go.”

 

“They have been going back and forth stealing tops, now on this flop Irina is going all in again,” Mary Anne said.

 

“Irina had pocket eights and flopped a set,” Mary Anne said. “Sonja had pocket queens but ended up with just one pair, so Sonja is our second hanger.”

 

 Sonja put on the cuffs and climbed up the stairs to the gallows platforms.

 Irina watched as Sonja put on the noose.

Irina waited while Sonja fastened the cuffs.

 

 Sonja looked over at Xia.

“What are you waiting for,” Sonja said. “Get it over with.”

 

Irina pulled the lever back.

 

The noose snapped tight around Sonja's neck pushing her head back

 

Sonja began to twist and squirm.

 

Sonja thrust her hips forward and back.

 

Sonja began to fade, her movements becoming smaller.

“You got very lucky flopping a set like that,” Mary Anne said.

“Yeah, but I was just trying to steal her top,” Irina said. “Didn't realize she had an over pair, never expected her to call.”

 

“Our next two players are Amy and Cathy,” Mary Anne said. “How do you feel about the coming match Amy?”

“We all know only one of use will survive,” Amy said. “But I think I have a good shot at winning. Now just got to get past first round.”

“What about you Cathy?” Mary Anne asked.

“I know the odds,” Cathy said. “I'm ready to start playing.”

 

“Amy is in tough spot here,” Mary Anne said. “She is down one item and now Cathy is raising here blind. If she folds, she will betting her hanging chip next blind.”

“Amy had the better hand preflop and she had a flush draw on the turn,” Mary Anne said. “But now she has just ace high and Cathy wins with a pair of threes.”

 

“Even though Cathy only had a pair of threes, that was enough to send Amy to the gallows,” Mary Anne said.

 

Amy put on the noose.

 

 Amy put on the handcuffs.

 

 

“You got any last words,” Cathy said.

“Yeah, you're a lucky ass bitch,” Amy said.

 

Cathy pulled the lever and watched as Amy dropped.

 

 The noose pushed Amy's head to the side and squeezed her neck.

 

Amy kicked and squirmed.

 

Amy thrust her hips forward and back.

Amy started to fade.

“How do you feel about how that match went?” Mary Anne asked.

“What can I say,” Cathy said. “I got lucky. Just trying to steal her bottom, make her post her hanging chip for her next blind. She decided to bet the gallows on that hand. Now she's eliminated.”

 

“Our last two players are Kara and Jill,” Mary Anne said. “Kara what are your thoughts on this match.”

“I want to win the tournament of course,” Kara said. “But now just hoping to get past the first round so I get to hang somebody.”

“How do you feel about that, Jill?” Mary Anne asked.

“She wants to hang me, I want to hang her,” Jill said. “That's what hanging poker is about.”

 

“You called with that junk?” Kara asked.

“I don't let people push me around,” Jill said. “Any two cards can win.”

“I have pocked queens,” Kara said. “You have six three.”

“So,” Jill replied. “I'll go all in with anything.”

 

“And the miracle river card makes an inside straight draw for Jill to beat Kara's set of queens,” Mary Anne said.

“What?” Kara looked confused. “I had a set of queens.”

“I told you so,” Jill said. “Now off to the gallows bitch.”

 

Kara climbed the gallows' stairs warily.

 

“I told you any two cards can win,” Jill said. “Now look whose putting the noose around her neck.”

 

Kara fastened the cuffs behind her back.

 

As soon as Kara had the cuffs on, Jill pushed the lever.

“That noose getting tight now?” Jill asked.

“Dance bitch,” Jill said.

 

Kara thrust her hips forward.

 

Jill watched as Kara's movements grew weaker.

 

“You took a big risk calling with six three off-suite,” Mary Anne said.

“Yeah, well, this game is a lot of luck,” Jill said. “I just felt like those were my cards and they were. Player are on warning now. Don't try to push me around.”

“That completes the first round,” Mary Anne said. “We will be right back with the semi-final round.”

 

“The players for our first semi-final game are Irina and Mariah,” Mary Anne said. “How are you feeling about the semis?”

“Hoping to get through the semis to the finals of course,” Irina said.

“Getting to the finals is the goal,” Mariah said.

 

“Mariah called Irina's blind and then went all in on this seven, queen ten flop,” Mary Anne said. “Irina is now calling that raise making this the deciding hand.”

“Mariah had pocket sevens and flopped a set,” Mary Anne said. “Irina had a supper draw with both and open ended straight and a flush draw. She made the straight on the turn and a flush on the river without pairing the board which would have given Mariah a full house.”

“She had nothing on the flop,” Mariah complained. “Then you dealt out the turn and river that made her hand. Why couldn't I get some help too, pair the board.”

 

“One of us has to hang,” Irina said. “Glad it's you.”

 

Irina waited while Mariah put on the noose.

“Get the cuffs on tight,” Irina said.

 

“You got anything to say,” Irina asked.

“You're a luck box,” Mariah said. “You can't call for the gallows with just a draw.”

“It was a super draw,” Irina said. “And I made it twice.”

 

 “Time to hang,” Irina said.

“Now you're feeling the noose,” Irina said.

“Dance ...,” Irina exclaimed.

Mariah thrust her hips back and forth.

 

Mariah squirming and kicking became weaker and weaker.

“See, that was easy,” Irina said. “Almost over now.”

 

“You took a big risk calling with draw, even if it was a super draw.” Mark Anne said.

“This tournament is a big risk,” Irina replied. “I've gotten through the first two levels, just one more to go.”

“The players for our second semi-final game are Jill and Cathy,” Mary Anne said. “How are you feeling about the semis?”

“I'm planning to stay aggressive all the way through the finals, if i make it,” Jill said.

“We are both shooting to make the finals,” Cathy said. “Let's go play some cards and see if I can send her to the gallows.”

“Cathy raised Jill's blind and Jill called,” Mary Anne said. “The flop was ace, king four, turn was a nine and the river was a second king. Now Jill is pushing her hanging chip and Cathy is signally she can't call. So Cathy will have to post her hanging chip on the next hand.”

 

“Cathy had to post her hanging chip and Jill called.” Mary said. “Now they both have a pair of eights but Jill has a queen kicker while Cathy only has a five kicker. So Cathy's on her way to the gallows.”

“Fuck you bitch,” Cathy said.

“Whatever,” Jill said. “My kicker plays.”

 

Jill followed Cathy to the gallows.

 

Cathy climbed onto the gallows.

 

Jill watched Cathy fit the noose around her neck.

 

As Cathy fastened the cuffs, Jill got into position to pull the lever.

 

As soon as the cuffs were on, Jill pulled the lever.

 

“Go girl,” Jill said. “Let's see you dance.”

 

“That's more like it,” Jill said.

 

“Wiggle those hips girl,” Jill said. “You're just going to be dead pussy in a minute.”

“Pretty much over now,” Jill said.

 

“You were pretty lucky on the last hand,” Mary Anne said.

“Yeah, but aggressive play put me in position to take advantage of my luck,” Jill said.

“Good luck in the finals,” Mary Anne said.

 

“Jill and Irina have made it to the final game,” Mary Anne said. “How are you feeling about this big game Jill?”

“I'm staying aggressive. Don't mess with me,” Jill said.

 

“How do you feel about the finals, Irina?” Mary Anne asked.

“I was lucky to get here and I will have to be lucky to win,” Irina said.

 

“Both players have been playing very tight, but now Irina is calling Jill's blind,” Mary Anne said.

 

“The flop was six, king, four with two hearts,” Mary Anne said. “The turn was another six. The river was a ten of hearts making the flush possible. Now Jill is moving all in.”

 

“It looks like Irina is going to call the all in bet,” Mary Anne said. “This hand will decide who goes to the gallows.”

“Jill had queen three of hearts for the flush,” Mary Anne said. “But Irina had pocket tens for a full house. Jill is going to the gallows.”

“You are just a lucky ass bitch,” Jill said. “I had way more outs than you.”

 

Jill walked to the last gallows.

 

Jill put the handcuff on one wrist.

 

Jill walked up the steps to the gallows.

 

Jill pulled the noose around her neck, got it snug then rotated the knot under her chin.

 

Jill fastened the handcuffs behind her back.

 

“So, any last words,” Irina said.

“Fuck you,” Jill said. “Worthless twat.”

“Ok,” Irian said. “I'm going dancing tonight but this is your final dance.”

 

Irina pulled the lever back and the platform dropped out from under Jill.

 

“There you go,” Irina said. “Now you can dance for me.”

 

“Now you're dancing,” Irina said.

 

“There you go, shake those hips,” Irina said.

 

“Dance, dance!” Irina shouted.

 

“Looks like your dancing is pretty much over,” Irina said.

 

“Congratulations on winning Atacama Hanging Poker Tournament,” Mary Anne said.

“Thank you,” Irina said.

“That was an epic final hand,” Mary Anne said. “Why did you just call Jill's blind preflop with pocked tens rather than raise?”

“Jill was playing very aggressively,” Irina said. “If I'd raised preflop she probably would've gone all in with any two cards. While pocket tens are good, it wasn't a hand I wanted to go all in with. When Jill went all in on the river, it was obvious she had the flush. I wouldn't have called if I couldn't beat the flush.”

“What are your future plans?” Mary Anne asked. “Winning here automatically qualifies you for the Cancun tournament.”

“I'm not sure what my plans are,” Irina said. “I was concentrating on this tournament.”

“You have lots of time,” Mary Anne said.

“Can I say one more thing?” Irina asked.

“Sure,” Mary Anne said.

“I'd like to thank the other seven players for putting on a spectacular show,” Irina said. “They made the ultimate sacrifice to make this tournament as exciting as possible for the audience.”

“We all should thank them,” Mary Anne said. “That wraps things up from the Atacama Hanging Poker Tournament were Irina is the new champion. Good night until next time.”

 

“So you want to go dancing?” Mary Anne asked. “I know a hot place.”

“Love to go dancing with you,” Irina said. “Will just take me a minute to change clothes.

 

Irina and Mary Anne dance the night away after the helicopter ride back from the Spanish garrison.

 

Back in the hotel room, Irian and Mary Anne do a different dance.

The End